emotional freak

OMG. I am so freaking emotional... flo must be on her way. My dad is coming out tomorrow to watch E at our house for the day. G will get home from work around 6:15 a.m. and then sleep during the day while my dad is here. He will be up around noon to run an errand and then get back home so my dad can take off. The whole problem I'm having with this is that I get off work at 4:30 and have a jewelry party tomorrow night at my mom's house at 6. We live 20 miles from work/my parents house/a gas station/Target I could go on and on... so this means I won't see E all day tomorrow. Because I won't be running home "quick" between work and the party. She will be asleep by the time I get home. Why does this make me so sad? I just started crying when I was on the phone with my dad!?!?!?! Hormonal freak? Working mommy guilt? I feel like it is wrong to say, "oh, it'd be so much easier to not have her at the party, I'd enjoy myself more." I feel guilty saying that! Like why shouldn't I want to spend every moment with her? She is my perfect, beautiful little Ebelly who just wants her momma. Do you all think I'm crazy yet? I just have this hyper sensitive emotional thing going on... I want to make sure she doesn't think... "where is mommy, why isn't she here for me?" Oh my god, the lump in my throat is HUGE! I just need to learn that it is ok to be a little bit selfish with my time. This weekend I got to go upstairs and read, alone, in my bed for 2 hours, while G and E played downstairs. I even felt guilt doing that. Now G does not make me feel bad at all... he wished I'd do things for myself more often... so there isn't a problem there. It completely stems from me... where it comes from... I don't know.