so far this spring...

We have been crazy busy.

My job is overwhelming. I walked into something that needed a fair amount of attention and change. The transition is happening slowly but surely. I can only work 20 hours a week, but most weeks I feel I could put in full time hours and still not get everything done. I feel like I've been eating, sleeping and dreaming about work. I wake up and think about work, drive and think about work, shower and think about work, eat lunch and think about work, go to bed and think about work... you get the idea. It never seems to leave me. Which isn't what I expected when I decided to take this job vs the full time social services position.

Don't get me wrong I really do like my job. It is just so much more involving than I thought it would be. These are peoples children that I am fully responsible for. Plus I am responsible for 25 staff who like to keep me on my toes and in the end it's my responsibility to cover the shift if they can't find a sub. Thankfully most shifts are only 2-3 hours, I can bring the kids and I'm flexible so this isn't a huge problem. Just an annoying problem.

Ok, enough about my job. I'm overwhelmed, a tad stressed, nervous about the changes, etc... but in the end, thankful to have a job.

Ellie turned 4 last month!

I can't believe I have a 4 year old! She is beautiful, funny, sensitive, sweet and loving. She is often more concerned with how others are feeling and making sure they are happy. She is hilarious. The things that come out of her mouth just crack me up and melt my heart.

So of course we had her birthday party at the Y. We ordered pizzas, opened presents and then made our way down to the pool to swim. She had 3 little girlfriends come and they had so much fun!







Her brand new bike from mommy and daddy!
Peace out. Time to head home to crash!

This is going to be the longest post ever.

The weekend after Ellie's party Greg and I got a little mini-vaca. His mom and sister came down to spend the weekend at our house with the kids while we went to a hotel for 2 nights and went to my girlfriends wedding.

I was such a wuss I cried until bedtime about leaving Cooper. Not constantly... but was weepy on and off all day. Give me a break, it was the first time in 8 months I'd left him overnight! We had a really good time and enjoyed the break (and sleeping in!).



Then the weekend after that (told you we've been busy!) we had my cousins wedding reception. She was married the week before (to a super cute guy named Alex :)) in Alabama and then came back home to MN for the reception.

Cousins with spouses and kids...
Cousins... (and at least a dozen more are missing... terrible that I can't even remember all my cousins but I have a ton and all on the same side of the family!)





And finally summer had hit us hard and early here in MN. We've seen 90's already which is really unusual. But we ain't complainin! We've been outside a ton. At my parents in the pool (kiddie pool), at the park for picnic lunches and just playing in the yard.



Finally... last but certainly NOT least (!) is my little Coop (who's not so little anymore). He usually does THIS in every. single. picture.





But for some reason on this particular day he did THIS in every. single. picture. It was so nice for a change! :)



w



And now onto June. We have no plans what so ever. No weddings, no graduations, no vacations... and it feels so nice. I am looking forward to enjoying this summer with my lovely little family :).

*giveaway!*

Who doesn't like free stuff? :)

Lil' Tulips - my favorite online momma/baby store is giving away a Wubanub. What's a wubunub? Click HERE to find out!

If you'd like to check out Lil' Tulip's website click HERE! You'll love all the fun products they carry!

callie

Greg is on his way to the vet right now to put our little Callie down. She is sick. She has lost weight, is often throwing up and eating non food items. In the last few weeks she walks with bent hind legs. She was this feisty little sh*t when we first got her. We have a 18 lb cat named Max who is a total grump and from day one our little 10 lb Callie picked on him like nothing else.

Here she is when we first got her. They actually cuddled when she was a baby... but Max quickly got over that as she grew.

Here she is at 1 year old. Such a cuddly little kitty. She and Greg had a very special bond. I think of Callie as "his" cat in a way. She was always cuddling with Greg.

Here are the 3 of them. An adult Callie with Max and Mae. The fact that they were even all sitting on a couch together at once and long enough for me to take a picture is amazing!
Please don't judge on our decision to put her down. It was not a decision we made lightly. The fact is we are losing our home. We are in no situation to spend $190 at the vet on preliminary blood work and screening alone. Then there would likely be monthly medication fees, etc. We simply cannot afford it. We have children to feed and an apartment down payment to save up for... among the flower girl dress we need to buy for Ellie, the car seat we just had to buy for Cooper, the muffler we need to buy for our second car, etc.

Callie had a hard life from the get go. Her mom died days after birth. She was a farm cat who was hit by a car. Her kittens had no nourishing milk from her. They were fed solid watered down cat food from the beginning. Not a good start to life.

We are just happy that we gave her almost 6 years of a warm loving home, where she was safe and comfortable, always fed and cuddled.

We will miss you Callie.

p.s. As I cried last night and explained to Ellie what was going to happen with Callie, my little (old souled) 4 year old pats me on the leg and says, "I know you love Callie Momma. If the vet can't fix her then she'll just be in heaven with Grandma Shirley." So matter of fact. I love her.

**Edited to add**
Greg just called. He is on his way home. We used a new vet for this situation and he said she was wonderful which is SO nice. A couple years ago we had to put another pet down and the vet who did that gave us heck for it. Made us feel guilty. But Bailey had a temperment problem and pee'd all over. I will not have cat piss in my house (except in the litter box.) Anyway... this vet asked Greg if she could do a quick examination of Callie. He said yes. After it she told Greg that Callie was definitely very sick. That she could only feel one kidney. That whatever was wrong with her would have cost quite a bit of money to figure out and fix. So that we were likely making the best decision for our finances and for Callie's well being as she was suffering. She also gave us a clay paw print of Callie's foot to bake in the oven. Now how neat is that? Makes me cry, but I'm just so happy that she's not hurting anymore.

why?

THIS just gives me the chills and makes me cry. I know the sense of brother/sisterhood is amazing in this profession. But it scares the crap out of me. I worry so much for my hubby and many of our friends, their wives/husbands and children.

It is just so, so sad that some piece of trash person has to do this to a man with twin daughters and a wife. How is this fair? I just can't wrap my head around it.

i'm on a roll so why stop?

Since I'm already having a pity party I though I'd throw in the fact that I should be in St. Cloud tonight celebrating my friend Mikki's upcoming wedding with her bachelorette party... but no one would take my kids and Greg has to work this weekend.

I'm not one to go all crazy anymore and get wasted and be crazy, etc... but I think, had I had the chance to go tonight... I would have had one hell of a hangover tomorrow morning... and it would have been SO worth it!

I hope you girls are having fun and I really wish I would have been able to come! :(

more WHINE when what i really need is WINE

I have checked out for the night. Off the clock. I am not getting up AT ALL. (yeah, all talk, I know.)

I have already put Ellie to bed and it's 6:46. Cooper was up there but will not stop crying. I actually threw his nook against the wall. Why is this child testing me so? There MUST be some reason.

We have just begun talking about having a 3rd at some point in the next 1.5-2 years. Do we want to or not? Greg would be ok with what we have. Or he'd take one more.

One minute I do, then Cooper reminds me again why I don't.

My blog has turned into a GIGANTIC whine fest lately and for that I am sorry, but this is my journal after all.

I can't handle another month of no sleep. Ellie was SO good. Such a good sleeper. She was also a good eater. Cooper will not eat anything. We were doing pretty well with rice cereal and a fruit or veggie for dinner. Then we started rice cereal for breakfast. Now we do neither. All he does is cry and fuss when we try to feed him solids. He throws his arms up and gets angry. He fusses. So we've gone back to full time bottles. He eats every 3-4 hours and he is almost 8 months old. UGH. Maybe this is normal... but I feel like he should go longer between 8 oz bottles. It is amazing how much you can forget about infants/parenting from one child to the next. Otherwise maybe I'm just a dimwit. Actually, with this lack of sleep I KNOW I am a dimwit.

Kids are wonderful little creatures aren't they?

Thank God I have some bud light in the fridge. Cheers! :)

p.s. Now Ellie is asking to have her ears pierced for her birthday... she is going to be 4. Should we do it at this age?? I just don't know. I have told her it will hurt. It will be like getting a flu shot in her ear lobe. That for days after wards they are going to be sore. That we will have to clean and take care of them. That they cannot come out. What to do? The bike was so much easier! But I'd love to get her ears pierced. She is such a girly girl and is always putting on her clip ons and her bracelets... dressing up. She always wants to wear a dress when we leave the house. Jeans just "aren't pretty" she has said. I don't even know where they pierce ears today... or how much it costs... anyone know?

what about what i need?

I need help. I need a break. I need a full nights sleep. I need to be selfish and have ME time. Ugh. I don't mean to complain but I am just tired and running on fumes. Hanging by my last thread. My house is a mess. Cooper doesn't sleep through the night. I NEED him to sleep through the night or I am going to go mad. I might already be going mad now that I think about it. Ellie wakes up at 6, sometimes 6:30 and sometimes 5:50. I can't be up through the night and then get up with her this early.

I need advice. Help. I need, I need, I need to do something for me.

the cutest kid ever made (and also the cutest kid who never sleeps through a damn night for his over tired momma)