apparently i need to watch my mouth

I can't remember if I posted about this a few weeks back but one night at dinner Ellie blurted out... "Jesus Christ that was good!"

My sister and I almost spit our food out and had to run away from the table. Greg did the explaining and told her what she had said and what it meant. Greg is guilty there.

End of story. No bad words since... until yesterday.

We pulled into a parking space and she says, "Those damn cars park so close to our car we can't even get Cooper's car seat out!"

Well, I have to admit that one is my fault.

love me some candy

We got a package today! I LOVE getting packages... it usually means something fun is here! Usually it also means I've ordered something off ebay :).

But this time it was a gift from Greg's mom. CANDY! Happy Easter to US! :)

Get a load of this...

Oh yeah... chocolate, gummy bunnies, jelly beans, a cute chick wall hanging and MORE chocolate! Ellie declared this, "the best gift anyone ever gave all of us!"

Its a good thing I just got a job at the Y.

THANK YOU Melody!

so i sit in peace

I have been having a few hard days lately. Dealing with the embarrassment of losing our home, starting a new job, experiencing migraines, having to wake up 2-4 times a night with Coop all on top of having a nasty cold has gotten to me. Its wearing me down. Kind of depressing me quite honestly. Emotions are running on high, patience is running on low. Greg and I had a tense discussion today about our "roles" in our family and blah, blah, blah...

But then tonight I read THIS and realize I need to remember what is important in my life.

num num in his tum tum

I have decided to start making as much of Coop's baby food as I can. Mainly for the health benefits of him not eating all the processed baby food out there but also for the financial benefit. I got a FREE (what's better than that!?) food processor from my sister and BIL. Then I bought 2 dz of these handy dandy little 2 oz containers that are freezer, microwave and dishwasher safe.



Today I started with carrots. I washed, peeled, washed again and cut up 6 carrots. Steamed them for 15 min, threw them in the food processor, added some breast milk and wa-la, I had me a weeks worth of carrots!

Then I sent Greg to the store with a list... I wanted to make more! He brought home parsnips, a rutabaga, apples and a papaya. I had a butternut squash on hand and I also wanted sweet potatoes but we've been to 2 grocery stores and can't find them.



My motivation drifted after the carrots and I only got the parsnips done and the squash cut up. But it will get done within the next few days since we are almost out of our store bought baby food.

Parsnips ready to go into the freezer...

6 containers of carrots and 6 containers of parsnips!

It was surprisingly easy to do. I'm excited to try the fruit too. Most of the fruit and some of the veggies just require simple mashing and not cooking what so ever. Easy peasy. I've had the help of this little book below... in case you were interested. :)

a gigantic pain in the............................................................................................................................head

Can one not "feel" like they are stressed but their body does things to tell them otherwise? I feel pretty good. Happy in general. Relaxed most days. I enjoy life. Sure bills and such suck and the house situation bites the big one... but I was thinking I was handling things pretty well.

Then Monday came. I decided to stay home that morning with Cooper who had a pretty decent cold a'brewin. Shortly after 10 a.m. I was sitting at the computer and I started to see this zig-zag like flashing light in my right eye. I couldn't seem to see right. I had a blind spot where if I looked directly at an object I couldn't see it, but if I looked to the side of the object I could see it. So weird. But I now know what was happening was called aura. This same thing happened about a week and a half ago. But that was it. It just suddenly stopped.

Well this time it turned into a full blown migraine. And during the hours that followed, lying on the floor feeling like I was going to vomit, it still didn't dawn on me that this is what I was experiencing.

I didn't want to move. Cooper was sick. Ellie was being her usual busy body self who needed snacks, drinks, butt wiped, movies started, toys reached from the shelf, etc... and all I could do was lay on the floor. I felt terrible. Felt bad physically and felt bad for not being able to do anything for Ellie and being short with her. It took enough for me to move over to the computer and email Greg begging him to come home from work. 2 hours and 45 minutes after it started he walked through the door. Bless him. I fell asleep right there on the living room floor for over 2 hours.

I woke up feeling, as best I can describe it, like I had a stale headache. Dull, but still there. You know what I mean? Not fun. I hate them. I don't ever want another one. The pain, honestly, was worse than labor.

Do you get migraines? Why do they occur? How do you handle them? Can you avoid them?

whoa nellie...

Life is going by fast and furiously. We need to slow down.

Working is crazy. It's making our lives a bit more hectic but I LOVE it! I love it. I am in charge of the babysitting service and a few other programs at our local Y. I can make up my own hours. Go in whenever I feel like it. I can come and go as I please. Go get lunch, take Ellie to school, go to a fitness class, swim laps, walk the track, or whatever I feel like doing then come back to work. It is AWESOME! And best of all I can bring my kids. I can also work at home!

It is such a family oriented place. I am just so blessed to have been chosen for this job and it couldn't have come at a better time. Next week I am starting Ellie in a one morning a week swim lesson class for little ones who are a bit leery about the water... for FREE! I have signed her up for preschool there... they have an on site preschool... she will be in class there 2 days a week while I'm there working! How convenient is that!!

This job is very challenging... supervising a staff of mixed ages from 16-40+... teenagers are a hard group to manage and train to do as you wish. But it's fun and will be rewarding. I can't get over the flexibility and the benefits I get. Cooper was sick on Monday so I needed to stay home... I had no one to call in to. I just called to let one of the other supervisors know I wouldn't be there. I felt NO GUILT! That was a wonderful feeling. I could stay home and take care of my baby (my priority) without feeling like I was making someone else's life inconvenient for the day. On Tuesday I felt I should go in for a few hours so I put Ellie in the babysitting service (for free might I add!) and took Cooper into the office with me. He just played/slept in his car seat and I worked for 3 hours. I could go on and on... but you get the jist. I feel so lucky, so blessed.

We had a bit of good news yesterday. Our second mortgage is going to let us just continue to pay it off rather than having to also foreclose on that amount on top of our regular mortgage. This is a GREAT thing. For one we will remain in good standing with our small hometown bank and for two it will hopefully allow us to avoid filing for bankruptcy. We have rec'd a letter from our mortgage co's attorneys and the sale of our home will be in May and we will need to leave by November. I go back and forth between being ok with all this one moment then crying the next. I am so sad because this is my home. Where I brought my babies home. Where Greg and I shared the beginning of our lives together. Where our memories are. We have beautiful flowers that will be coming up in the spring, a lilac bush planted in honor of Ellie's birth... these seem like such silly things... but they are OUR things. Our things that are sentimental to me. Every time I pull in the drive way I look at the house and start to tear up because this is our little home, our little home that we've had so much fun in. Ugh. I need to stop talking about this.

I have to remember what is important. My family is healthy. We are strong. We will be fine. While I feel right now like this is my "home", we will make wherever we end up "home".

Going to go have a bowl of cereal. But before I go here are a few new pics! Oh and Ellie never ceases to amaze me... last night when I put her to bed she says, "mommy, ya know, sometimes I feed my baby with my booby at night." Love her. :)

*** EDITED ***

I forgot! Absentminded that I am... It is Cooper's 6 month birthday today!! Where did those last 6 months go? Wow. Also a post to come... I am working on getting a stash of items needed for making my own baby food. So far I've scored a free food processor (thanks Katie and Scott!) and I've ordered 24 individual 2 oz cups with lids that are freezer, dishwasher and microwave safe. Has anyone out there used a manual food mill? KidCo has one that I'm kinda interested in but I'd like to hear your thoughts. I blended a banana for Coop last week and he ate it up like it was the best thing he'd tasted. I'm feeling the need to give him a more natural food, not all that processed crap from Gerber. I should follow that rule too, eh? Eat better myself... I type that as I have a Coke and a package of girl scout cookies next to me. Lovely.

my life ~ part 3

Lots of good stuff going on! I was dreading the start of this new job on Monday. The Lord answered my prayers and those of many around me, thanks everyone!) and I was offered another position today. I am going to go in on Thursday and talk to him a bit more about it and will possibly discuss it here later... not sure though. We'll just say it is the perfect blend of being a sahm and a working mom. It is 25 hrs a week. Flexible. I can bring the kids (!) yes you read that right, I can bring my kids! I can work some at home. WHAT A BLESSING! Greg and I are very happy. He of course is also thrilled that I won't be so weepy anymore about going back to work full time! :) I can't wipe the smile off my face today. Life is good.

On the house front... this job is going to do nothing for that. I believe we are to far into it now... there is no going back. But again, it is a stumble in life and we will not fall.

In other news... it has snowed like crazy this winter in MN. Ellie has wanted to be outside playing and it has just rarely been warm enough that I've wanted her to be out. But this past week it got up in the high 20's so we thought we'd give it a try.

Ellie had a blast... Cooper didn't think it was all that special. :)






He's on the move...



The kids and I, my sister and my bff and her daughter all went to the zoo last week... I am so lame these are the only pictures I took. Will do better next, promise.

Ellie was afraid of everything!

Dave Ramsey is one brilliant man and we are on the way to living REAL.

If you haven't already you must check out his book called "Total Money Makeover." I haven't been able to put the workbook down and I just bought it on Sunday. Greg is reading the book. My sister also bought it on Sunday and is already finished with it and will be re-reading it again right away.

my life ~ part 2

If you haven't read part one... see below and read it first.

So yeah. That's where we're at. We feel like we have no other choice than to walk away. I know we have a lot of questions. How does this all work? Can we just do foreclosure and no bankruptcy?What is our timeline? Can they take $ from our bank account? Taxes? Etc, etc. So many unanswered questions. Greg called them again yesterday and they offered little advice or help. Mainly continued to ask us for large sums of money, that we don't have, and if we send it within 5 days they "may" be able to help us out. "May" isn't good enough for me. I'm not about to find a way to send them 7 grand and have them say we may be able to help you. Nope. Sorry. I think I'd be handing them the $ and we'd still be in the same situation. So instead we are learning all we can about our options. Short sale, deed in lieu of foreclosure, foreclosure, etc. It is all so confusing and overwhelming.

I tend to be fairly optimistic. My outlook is this: Greg and I are good. My kids are healthy. Happy. Loved. Fed. Hugged. Young. They are resilient. Things could be much worse. I pretty much have the same feeling about all this as Misguided Mommy did in my comment section on "part 1." We haven't used credit cards since the end of 2006. I don't want to use credit cards. I think they are evil. (Capitalism at it's best... Micheal Moore for President! sorry, back to the topic here...) I have one car that is paid off with less than 60,000 miles on it and one with a loan still. We don't need a new car right now. We are honestly looking forward to the freedom of being a renter. Not being responsible for spendy repairs, lawn care, snow removal, etc. We honestly could not replace our roof if it needed replacing right now. There is no way we could afford it. There is so many possible expenses with being a homeowner.

This is also going to allow us to move to the town where Greg works. Where my family and friends live. It will be more convenient for our life. We live in a town with nothing. Nothing but the smell of cow shit, lots of Buick's (at least here that means old people driving them VERY slowly), relatives (everyone in this town of 90 is related to one another) and no rules. People park backwards on the wrong sides of the streets. They park in their yards. We live near a car repair shop that also works on racing cars... which results in engines revving at all hours of the day and night during the summer... when our windows are open and children are trying to sleep. We don't have a single store, post office or even a gas station. The nearest of all those is 7 miles away. We can get a loaf of moldy bread and day old milk down at the feed store though. Ugh. I'm not even sure why we moved here in the first place.

In other related news, I have been applying for jobs since January. Not something I really want to do... but something I have to do. I got a phone call last week with a job offer. After lots of talking and planning and crying we have decided that I am going back to work full time. This weighs SO HEAVY on my heart. I so badly want to be home with my children. (just typing that sentence makes the tears start flowing) I had pictured Ellie starting preschool next fall and me being able to take her and pick her up each day. Taking Cooper to the mommy/baby classes and to the library for story time. We have had loads of fun. I just don't want it to end. I planned to go back to work by the time they were both in school. Or maybe after our 3rd is in school. (If a 3rd baby happens) But this is just to soon.

I do have to say though that my new boss is absolutely wonderful. I already love her. When they offered me the job I told her I needed a few days to think it over and talk with Greg about it. When I called her back to say I'd take it I made it clear that my family was my priority. Our conversation lead to how many of the staff there have young children and how she understands they are my priority and that "this is just a job." That was music to my ears. I had to call her again Wednesday to ask if it was possible for me to adjust my hours by starting my day 30 minutes earlier and leaving 30 minutes earlier at the end of the day. Our daycare closes at 5:30 and I need to be there by then. At first I thought this might be to much to ask for someone just starting a new job. But she called me back and said they would like to accommodate me and will allow me to work 7:30-4:30. I was shocked. I told her she was making it very hard for me to say no. She replied, "that's what we're hoping!"

This is all so bittersweet for me. I have to be honest and say I am excited to get back to working. With adults. Having adult conversations. Keeping my mind busy. Learning. Using my knowledge. Working somewhere that appreciates their employees and is willing to be so accommodating. But I am also so sad. So, so sad to be leaving my little Cooper. Ellie will be great, she will do fine. She will be in school. She loves learning. She will have a blast. But Cooper just breaks my heart. I want to cuddle with him all day. I am going to miss them so much.

There are just so many changes going on in my life at one time and during a time when I don't think my hormones are quite back to normal. Loss of a home, starting a new job, moving, leaving my kids after FINALLY getting to stay home with them... it is just so much. I am so emotional. Yesterday I had the worst day I think I have ever had. I can't really say I've ever had much anxiety. But yesterday I think I came so close to actually having a full on anxiety attack. I just couldn't calm down. I was so out of my body watching the day go by. I couldn't concentrate. I was irritable. Impatient. Inconsolable. And so, so tired.

Why does life have to be so hard? I know this is our fault and there is no blaming anyone or anything else. But dang it it sucks.

my life ~ part 1

Ok. Vent time. Life has been very challenging this past year. Financially anyway. It seems like we just made a series of bad decisions. It started with me quitting my job to stay home with the kids. That alone was a GREAT decision. I had an awesome summer with Ellie and since Cooper has joined the family the 3 of us have had loads of fun doing the day to day stuff like grocery shopping, cooking dinner and cleaning. We go to weekly Thursday morning play days at a local preschool that opens one classroom and the gym up each week. We watch countless movies. We bake. We play go fish and memory (WAY to many times). We trace letters. We read books. We also love to go to Starbucks for a much needed mommy pick me up. We do lots and I love it. It is hard work staying home. Very hard. But in the end I love it no matter how much I complain about it or how hard it is. Anyway... back to the bad decisions.

So I quit my job in May 09. Life is good. Ellie and I started off our kick-A summer... and then Greg got some time off at work for a stupid email we sent between the 2 of us and about 100 other people. It was hilariously perverted and whatever... but someone was offended. So that was a kick in the pants. Time off work - unpaid - when I wasn't working either. Not a good start.

We made it thru the summer with Greg working and me selling lia sophia. As the end of my pregnancy neared Greg was involved in another incident at work involving a well being check that didn't get completed even though it was entered into the computer as being done. Apparently though there was some chaos at the time with a detainee attempting to hang himself and he had to be cut down, etc. I wasn't there so I don't know what happened. But this resulted in Greg having a meeting scheduled with the Sheriff and other higher ups. He was told to bring in all county property. So we just knew he was going to be fired. We prepared ourselves for it. It was literally days before I was to deliver. We were scared and stressed. I was so worried we wouldn't have health insurance when it came time to deliver.

The day came and literally an hour before it was time for him to go in my dad called and told him to stay calm and not have an attitude. What we didn't know at that time was that my dad had gone in and spoke to the Sheriff and the other higher ups and pretty much asked that they give Greg another chance. That I was prego and that his income was our only income. (My dad worked with most of these men for some 30 years so he knew them well.) My dad pretty much saved our arse. For that we are so grateful. But the result was that he still received 20 shifts off unpaid. 20 shifts is just under 2 months off in his job as they work 12 hour shift work. So we had little to no income from mid-September to mid-November. We had some help from Greg's dad and my grandpa. What we didn't have was enough money to pay our mortgage.

After talking to our mortgage company 3, 4, 5 times they finally agreed to give us a 6 month deferment. We thought, SWEET! We are going to be fine! We got our first paycheck in mid-November and then had to pay double the health insurance since we hadn't paid it for those 2 months. We also had to catch up on plenty of other bills I'd let slide during that time. Then it was Christmas time and you know that pressure to buy gifts for everyone is there. Then Greg has to have surgery and they want $1700 down and we EVEN HAVE INSURANCE!

So that brings us to now. The 6 months is up and what does our mortgage bill say? $950 for one months payment? Oh no, over $7000 is due. They want the ENTIRE 6 months of payments. NOW. Explain this one to me. If we didn't have it over those 6 months why would we have it now? So they tell us to fill out some paper work for some plan Obama has put into action... I do just that. Well this past Saturday they send us a letter saying they are unable to help us and we should put our house up for sale (it has been since December) and to contact them when we receive an offer and they'll consider a short sale. Shhaaaaaaa right. We live in the middle of no where. We are not going to get any offers on or house any time soon.

So we are considering just walking away. Is this what is happening across this country today? It is just so dang sad.

To be continued...

juicy details... but first my kids :)

Oh there is lots and lots of stuff going on in my life since my last post... more on that later. Because more importantly I wanted to share how CUTE my kids are.

Cooper is starting to eat rice cereal! He insists on helping me with EVERY bite.

Greg and I are trying to eat healthier, watch calories and work out more... I made soup one day and this is what Ellie thought of it...
I'm just posting this to humor Greg. He thinks it is the best picture E.V.E.R. (Graduation collage worthy? I'm guessing so.)

Coop's first mohawk! (He hates the camera flash!!)
Ellie playing in the snow inside! (Thanks to my facebook friends for the idea! And excuse the bangs... we are trying to grow them out.)


She loves her little brother... at least for now :)
Ellie just came into the living room combing her hair with a fork. I must have looked at her funny (well duh, she's combing her hair with a fork) she looks at me and says (with all the attitude she can muster up, "that's what Ariel does mom!"

thursday 1/14/2010

What I'm enjoying for breakfast...

While my hubby is in surgery...

Lovin his purple socks :)
He's in surgery as I write this... please pray things go well! Thank you!!

********Edited********

We are home. Things are going quite well. Greg had an umbilical hernia that needed repairing. It was smaller than the dr. expected so there was no need for a mesh screen to be attached. He was in and out of surgery in an hour. Recovery for 45 minutes. The suite for about another hour. He has a 3-4 inch incision above his belly button. He is in a lot of pain. He slept/relaxed in bed for most of the afternoon. But tonight he got up and moving for a bit. He browned hamburger for dinner tonight which was way more than I expected of him! He is much perkier and has a way better attitude than I expected.

new year, new us

2010. Well, here's hoping this year brings us better things on the financial front then 2009 did. We just seem to be taking hit after hit financially and because of this I have started looking for a job again. I don't want anyone to say, "oh you can find areas to cut costs... but you are the most important person in your child's life... they are only young once." Believe me, I know all this and it pulls (more like YANKS) on my heart strings and I've cried my eyes out about it but there is only so much that one income can do for you and when it can barely pay all your bills there is a problem. We need to eat. We have a mortgage. We have medical bills. We have student loans. We have credit card debt - which is scheduled to be paid off in Dec 2012... then we will be debt free... what a feeling! We have propane, cable/internet, cell phones, electric, water/garbage, a 2nd mortgage, car insurance, life insurance, 2 car payments, gas, groceries and I'm sad to add... we'll soon probably have daycare costs. We do the minimum on everything... we don't have fancy cable where you can watch movies on demand or tivo your favorite shows. We don't have internet or anything fancy on our cell phones... just the basics. But yet even with the basic everything we cannot seem to get ahead. It is so frustrating. So please pray that I can find a job that I somewhat enjoy. That my children are happy and thriving in whatever environment they are put in (home or daycare). That a little weight is lifted off my husbands shoulders. The last thing I want him to feel like is a failure because he can't support his family. We simply have to many bills.

My New Years Resolution is to become more stable financially (and to post more entries here!). To have savings. To be able to go to a movie or out to dinner once in a while with my husband... which never happens now because we wouldn't be able to afford this bill or that bill.

I dislike money. The end.

On to more happy things... my kids are cute. I know.

Cooper - 3 months - in his baptism outfit and Santa hat!
Ellie - 3 years - in her pretty dress from Great Grandma R.Santa came to Grandma Judi and Papa's house! I just think their mantle is so pretty and festive!
This morning we were up and dressed. Cleaning up the house... getting ready for the Vikings game... happy as can be.
Then he did this... while breastfeeding. So you can imagine what I also looked like. :)
I cleaned up Coop and took a shower. Then we got all ready for the Vikings game! Go Vikes!!
Now it's been hours since I started this post (funny how that works, huh!) and the Vikings game is over and we WON! 44-7! Woot woot!! They are gonna go ALL THE WAY!! (hoping anyways :))

Hmmm... what else has been going on?

Greg is having surgery in a week and a half. Our health insurance is SO AWESOME ((sarcasm)) that the hospital wants $1700 down in order to do it... they told us this LAST WEEK! So in other words... no, they are not getting that much money from us... $500 if they are lucky... but that will put a dent in our already barely there $$ for bills, so starts the falling behind... see what I mean now when I say we keep getting hit with odd ball things financially!

The weather here is TERRIBLE. Cold. Why do I live here? Today's high was supposed to be 4. Not 40, no. 4! Brrrr. I'm ready to move somewhere warm.

We bought a for sale sign for our house... it is still sitting in the kitchen.

We watched the Hangover the other night. Hilarious.

Ellie went to her first movie yesterday with my parents. They went to the Princess and the Frog. We were wondering how she'd do with the dark and the loudness of it all. But she loved it!

Ellie funny: today she asked me if my boobs also made juice!! haha! Those little kids and what they think up. Cracks me up. I love her to pieces. :)

Happy New Year!

the weather outside is frightful...

Or at least it's going to be. Another foot of snow (or more) predicted on top of what we already have... snow blower's ready and so is Greg!

We are headed to my parents house tomorrow to spend a few days there... otherwise I have a feeling we are going to be snowed in on Christmas eve and Christmas day. So I better go make my gigantic list of baby/kid stuff that they require to get through 2 (maybe 3) days. Ugh.

A few more pics before I go... my attempt to get a Christmas card... didn't go so well.

Merry Christmas to you all!